What’s Your Favorite Color Panties?

Another cheap thrill that I indulge in at the office is identifying the color of panties that a woman wears.  When a lady bends over (or squats down) to retrieve something, you will usually get a cute little flash of panty.  Typically it’s not much; you’ll usually get just enough to identify the color, and with luck, the brand.  But it’s usually enough to create an accurate mental picture of a woman in her panties — and that’s a very sweet mental picture.

Sometimes, particularly in the summer, you’ll find that when women lean forward in their chairs, it’s enough to reveal their panties.  And that’s the best, because if you’re quiet, you can stare for entire minutes.  It doesn’t work so well during the winter, when baggy sweaters or suit jackets cover the lower back.

So what are my favorite colors?  Well here they are:

• Black:  You can’t go wrong with basic black.  Black works with any style and any material — plain cotton, satin, lace, it always looks good, and it shows that she cares enough to choose great-looking underwear.  Which implies she wants to be looked at.
• Red:  If it’s red, it has to be bright red, and preferably lacy.  But when done right, it’s killer.
• Pattern:  Patterns only work when it’s a bold pattern, like stripes.  Little pink flowers don’t work; they give the “old granny” look.
• Orange:  I have a thing for orange panties.  It’s as if they say, “Notice my underwear!”  And believe me, I do.
• Pink:  It’s gotta be hot pink.  Cotton-candy pink is just too boring.

And, of course, my least favorites:

• White:  White is a convenience color.  Even when it’s brighly-bleached white, it still implies that she doesn’t want to be seen in her underwear.  (The exception?  White lace.  The naughty-bride look.  That works!)
• Purple:  Simply not bold enough.
• Pastels:   Same reason — not bold enough.
• Earth tones (beige, brown, etc.):  Yuck.  Looks like dirty white.  A real mood-killer.

What about thongs?  It goes without saying that any color thong works well.  And sometimes, you’d be surprised who wears them.  Once, at a previous company, there was a very plain-looking girl who worked in a different group.  Nice body, not a lot of makeup, all-business, kind-of nerdy.  Well, when she was leaning forward in her chair once, I actually did a double-take when I noticed her thong, high-up along her back.  I told a fellow panty-spotter at work, and he was equally surprised.

I’d love to hear if anyone has any other panty-spotting techniques!

Chair Sniffing

What, you’ve never heard of chair sniffing?  Let me explain.

It’s late on a Friday, the office is empty, and you walk by the desk of an cutie you’ve had your eye on.  You round the corner, hoping to see her — drat, she’s not there.  You step into her cube, looking at her phone, her keyboard, the pictures of her husband on her desk.  You look at her chair.  Less than an hour ago, she was sitting right in that chair.  Her cute butt was planted right there on the seat cushion.

Yes, her ass — right there.  You quickly look around, but the office is empty.  You bend down, plant your nose on the seat cushion, and take a deep sniff.

In my first post, I alluded to this practice.  I think every guy has done this at least once in his lifetime.  I’ll admit, it’s a cheap, perverted thrill, but I still do it.  And the results are interesting.  Sometimes, you catch a whiff of perfume.  Sometimes, you only smell upholestry.  But sometimes, you catch a little musky aroma.  Oh, sweet!  Those are the times you stay there for a few minutes, drinking in her womanly scent.

The only chair I’ve sniffed recently is Hasna’s chair, but all I’ve smelled is baby powder.  Oh well.

More Ashna

I’m more convinced that there is a real connection developing between me and Ashna.  Let me describe a meeting that we had a few days ago.

The meeting was in one of our larger conference rooms.  The room can hold over 40 people; there were only about ten of us actually there.  The tables are arranged in a giant rectangle, so that everyone faces the center of the room.  Strangely, it so happened that all the women sat on one side of the room, all the men on the other side of the room, both sides facing each other across a space of about fifteen feet.  There were four women present:  Ashna, Michelle, Jayita, and Hasna, my boss.  (Remember to consult the Cast of Characters page!)  The six men sat on the other side of the room.

Ashna runs these meetings, and as such, does most of the talking.  Hasna is a very outspoken, and also does a great deal of the talking.  I do, too, by the way.  Well, during the meeting, when Ashna was speaking, all eyes are on her.

And who was she looking at?  Me!  That’s right, with all eyes on her, her beautiful eyes are making contact with mine.

Ashna always smiles, even while talking.  So it’s tough to tell if it’s a genuine connection.  But I will find out!

Michelle

One thing I haven’t mentioned about Ashna is the fact that she has two women on her team.  I’ll start with Michelle.  (I’ll talk about Jayita another time.)

Michelle is drop dead goregous.  I know that I often say that all women are hot (and it’s true — they are), but Michelle could easily be a swimsuit model.  Yes, that hot.  She has a terrific figure, an angelic face, and beautiful green eyes.  She kind of reminds me of a young Bernadette Peters.  And she’s no dummy, either.

So why I haven’t I mentioned her?  Although I have publicly stated that I am trying to sleep with every woman in my office, Michelle is not near the top of my list.  Why not?  After all, if she is as hot as I say, shouldn’t she be numero uno on the Office Player’s hit list?

Well I’ll tell you why not:

1. Way too young — probably 23-24 years old.  I prefer a lot more experience.
2. She is single.  Single women do not typically go for the married office pervert, no matter how skillful said pervert may be.  I’ll have more to say on this in a later post.
3. She is quiet.  I’ve noticed lately that I’m attracted to the outgoing, outspoken women.

Still, let’s see how receptive to flirting she is.  Now that I am on the same floor as Ashna’s team, there will be plenty of opportunity to flirt.

Masturbation At Work

Question for the guys:  Have you ever masturbated at work?

I’ll bet that the answer for most guys is yes, at least once.  There are those times where you get that horny, and you just gotta go rub one out.  Maybe you were walking behind an office hottie, and the sight of her perfect ass caused a stir.  Maybe a cutie bent over, and you got a delicious view of her breasts.  Or maybe you were just daydreaming in that meeting.  Whatever the reason, when you’re horny, you’re horny.

Of course, this takes place in the men’s room, and it has to be done quietly.  Sure, men will take a newspaper (or some printouts of ESPN) into the men’s room, but trust me, it does not take 20 minutes to read all the stories.

But I don’t bother with such pretenses.  I just go in, no bones about it.  But I also make sure that I leave the area clean.  Here’s what I do:

1. I walk into the stall and close the door.
2. I withdraw about 25 inches of toilet paper, and fold it three times.  The result is a 3-ply strip about 8 inches long.
3. I drape the paper from the front of the bowl into the water.
4. I quietly take matters into my own hands.
5. Since the toilet paper is draped nicely in the line of fire, nothing gets left.
6. One flush and the evidence is gone.

It happens.  Once, a few of us were talking about how somebody had left a long strip of toilet paper that covered up the gaps in between the door and the rest of the stall.  We couldn’t figure out why — nobody really goes in and peeps through the crack.  One guy said, “Well, maybe they’re jerking off, but nobody would really want to watch that.”

How often is another question.  When I was younger, masturbation was a three-times daily ritual — sometimes more!  (Ah, to be 19 again.)  Now, I’m happy to manage once a day.  And these days, it’s not really at work any more.  I need to save my mojo for the ladies.

Is Ashna flirting with me?

At our company, it is customary to throw a baby shower for women who are expecting, and it is even done for men.  Today was Hasna’s baby shower.  (Hasna is my boss; you can read about the women on the “Cast of Characters” page.)  Baby showers are great; they give you a chance to get chatty with the women, who are already oohing and ahhing over the baby gifts.

Maryanne and Ashna were both there.  I didn’t get too much of a chance to talk with Maryanne, but I did talk with Ashna.  In fact, Ashna approached me, and was asking all kinds of questions about the project.  She’s obviously very excited about the project, and the two of us discussed it a bit.  After some time, I asked her if she had any kids (she has two), found out their ages (13 and 9), and even her age (she admitted to having the first when she was 21, which makes her 34 today).  And she asked about my children as well.  Essentially, I was making a connection with her on both a professional and a personal level.

Was she flirting with me?  I don’t know.  Ashna has a very friendly, outgoing personality.  She is always smiling.  And she’s wicked smart.  She knows how to run a project.  (All these things are precisely why I’m attracted to her.)  The good thing is that my new location is much closer to her desk, so I’ll have plenty of opportunity to interact with her.

Maryanne

Maryanne works in another department, but she works on the same product as I do.  Thus, I interact with Maryanne nearly every single day.  And of course, I think of ways to hit on her, nearly every single day.

Once, when out for drinks with a few coworkers, I confided to them that I thought Maryanne was hot.  They all gave me very strange looks.  Most average guys would not find Maryanne attractive.  She is in her late forties, a little on the plump side, and perhaps a few too many wrinkles on her face.  But as far as I am concerned, she is simply delicious!

Maryanne has two distinct personality traits.  The first is that she is one of those touchy-feely types.  Well, not exactly; touchy-huggy is a better term.  For example, when she is emphasizing a conversational point, she will place her hand on my forearm.  Or she’ll give my forearm a friendly squeeze when she says, “I’ll see you later.”  And yes, there’s been the occasional hug.  Recently, she celebrated her 20-year anniversary with the company, so there were hugs all around.

Touchy-huggy women are difficult to figure out, because they can be one of two types:

• The extremely nice, morally-upstanding, never-cheat-on-their-husband type
• The flirtatious let’s-hook-up type

And truth be told, I’m not sure which one Maryanne is.  She is married, but has no kids.  She doesn’t talk about her husband but loves to travel with him.  She will skip office parties to be with him.  I just don’t know.

Maryanne’s other personality trait is that she is a constant complainer.  Now this is something I find to be a total turn-off.  She has a bad thing to say about nearly everyone in the office.  Either someone is lazy, or clueless, or too demanding, etc.  You get the picture.  It’s a shame too, because she’s not one of those complainers with the constant sour puss on her face.  She actually smiles most of the time, and she looks ten times prettier when she does.

Still, she’s someone I love to flirt with!