Do sons make women unsexy?

Remember how I mentioned our secretary who left for another department?  (The one with the see-through bra?)  Well I met her replacement today.  Let’s call her Julie.  She is a blonde in her mid-forties, perhaps a wee bit on the chunky side, but otherwise, very nice looking.  I haven’t decided if I am going to add her to the list of hotties just yet.  Anyway, as part of introductions, she mentioned her children, and pointed to a small picture tacked on the cubicle wall.  It was a picture of three beautiful girls, ages 12, 7, and 4.  What surprised me most was that I wasn’t surprised.  In fact, I would have been completely surprised if she had sons.

And then I started to ponder for a bit:  Is there a connection between a woman’s beauty and the gender of her children?  I thought about my list of hotties and their children.  Only three actually have children:  Ashna has two daughters, ages 11 and 8.  Hasna has two daughters, one 5 years old, and of course her 4 month old.  Amy, the lone exception, has one son who is 19.  Praveena, Maryanne, Ellen, and Michelle all have no children.

So then I thought of a few other women I know in the company:

• One woman, who works for Maryanne, has twin boys, age 5.  She’s a nice person, but she is extremely plain looking.  She very much has the “soccer mom” look — and not the hot kind.  She even wears the high-rise pants that cover her navel.
• Linda, Hasna’s boss, has a daughter age 5 and a son age 2.  She’s not bad either, but she too is very plain-looking.  She also has no real personality.
• Another woman manager in our group has two grown boys, ages 24 and 20.  She is certainly sociable and friendly, and I’m convinced that with a few drinks in her, I could score.  But she also has the very plain soccer-mom look going for her.
• Another woman that I used to work with has a daughter age 14 and a son age 9.  Now she’s cute.  Not quite enough sexual energy to make the hottie list, but definitely cute.

I didn’t make any charts, but it seems that the hotties have daughters, and the non-hotties have sons.  Why is that?  Does a household full of boys cause a woman to “let herself go”?  Perhaps these moms, in an effort to connect with their sons, intentionally (or subconsciously) lose interest in fashion, and instead become interested in things like sports, cars, and action figures.  Or maybe it is that as parents, they are subconsciously demonstrating to their children what qualities are needed to eventually attract a mate.  Do mothers of sons act more “manly,” in the hopes that their sons will pick up these behaviors?  Is that why moms of daugthers keep up with fashion, makeup, and (sadly) dieting?  Are they subliminally transmitting the necessary qualities that their daughters should learn?

A few Google searches turned up a study that suggested the reverse might be true:  plain-looking people have sons, and hotties have daughters.  Here’s a study by Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa that suggests beautiful people are 36% more likely to have daughters.  To be honest, I think the article got the cause-and-effect backwards.  After all, we all learned in school that it is the father’s DNA that determines the sex of the child.  Yes, one might argue that the female ovum “admits” the type of sperm, but I don’t think so.  I’m more convinced that it has more to do with raising sons than bearing them.

Nevertheless, it looks like there is some connection.  Think about it:  Barbara Bush had sons.  Laura Bush had daughters.  Who would you rather see naked?

Bra Spotting, Part 3

 Question:  When you enter a conference room, and spot a woman wearing a button-down blouse, where should you sit?

Answer:  If you are trying to glimpse her bra, on her left.

Why?  It has to do with the way women’s blouses are buttoned.  Men’s shirts have the buttons on the right side; women’s blouses have them on the left.  This means that the right side (the one with the button holes) is placed over the one on the left side, and therefore, you have a good chance of spotting bra when you are positioned on the left.

The beauty of this technique is, it works for a large variety of body sizes and blouse types.  With a loose-fitting blouse (which is more common), the front tends to bunch up a bit, particularly when the woman is sitting down and leaning forward.  You wind up getting a good view of the tops of her breasts.  When the blouse is tight, you will generally get a good peek at the lower breast area.

I was watching a rerun of The Office the other day, and it was the episode where Michael gets back from Jamaica.  In the very beginning of the episode, I immediately noticed that Karen’s blouse was kinda loose, and immediately began to look.  Sure enough, thirty seconds later, I caught a shot of her bra:

Although technically we are looking from the right side, you can see how the blouse bunches up, and with a little practice, you can effectively spot a bra.  So, give it a try, and let me know how you do!

Bra Spotting, Part 2

In my last post, I covered the lowest-risk way to spot a bra, which was to simply look through a sheer blouse.  The problem is, of course, that this requires the woman to be wearing such a see-through blouse.

The second technique is the “down blouse” technique.  Now I know that I don’t even have to describe this to you; a simple image search for “down blouse” will show you exactly what is meant.  This is the most common technique for observing a woman’s bra, but it is also the riskiest.  If she happens to look up right when you are looking down her blouse, you are in trouble.  In fact, even if you don’t actually look down the blouse, you might be an unwitting victim of circumstance if you are simply standing in the wrong spot, facing the wrong direction.

Nevertheless, it can be done.  Here are a few tips (pun not intended):

1. Never stand above a woman, trying to look down the blouse.  This is just way too obvious.  Rather, wait until she is bending forward, perhaps to pick something up or to fix something.  Chances are, she will be so engrossed in what she is doing that she may not realize that you are looking.  I had a great view of a secretary who was cutting a cake at an office birthday party.
2. If you see a woman place her hand on her chest, to hold up her blouse, then abandon the effort.  She is aware of her predicament and will be looking out for guys to accuse.
3. People think that a button-down blouse is a necessity for this technique, but in actuality, you do much better if the woman is wearing a scoop top.  In fact, I’ve found that a scoop top even works better than a tank top.  (If she is wearing a button-down blouse, you might have better luck if you try the technique outlined in Part 3, which is soon to come.)
4. Don’t stare for more than half a second.  Quick, furtive glances are the key.

With practice, you will develop the instinct to quickly look when you see a woman bend over.  I’ve even spied the bras of women on TV.  For example, I was watching an episode of Home Improvement, when Jill (played by Patricia Richardson) walked in with grocery bags.  She placed the grocery bags down, and boom, there was her bra, right on camera.  You think editing would have caught that.  It just goes to show — it can happen anywhere.