Sniffing chairs… the right way

During my two-year hiauts, I didn’t even look at the stats for my blog.  When I finally did, I was amused to find that one of the most popular pages on this site is my entry on chair sniffing.  So, after a little analysis (WordPress is great for that, btw), I found that I have Australian politician Troy Buswell to thank.  In 2005, Buswell sniffed the chair of one of his female staffers.

Amateur!  I’ve sniffed plenty of chairs, and I have never gotten caught.  Here’s a few tips on how to do it the right way:

  1. First, never, ever do it with anyone else around.  I mean anyone!  Even if they are sniffing chairs with you.
  2. Don’t sniff a chair out in the open.  An office is ideal, but beware — many offices have glass partitions, and if you’re going to be on your knees sniffing, you might be visible.  If you’re sniffing a chair in a conference room, close the door first.
  3. Take a pen or pencil with you and drop it on the floor.  If somebody comes, you’ll have at most a few seconds, which is just enough time to pull your face away from chair.  You’ll need an excuse as to why you are on the floor.
  4. If you can get away with it, you can switch chairs first and sniff away in the privacy of your own office, or possibly a conference room.  But people are very possessive of their chairs, so be careful.
  5. Many companies will post an attractive receptionist in their front entrance, so you may be tempted.  Don’t.  The chair is usually out in the open, and the chances are good that there is a security camera trained on that spot.
  6. Finally, never, ever tell anyone about it!  If you feel the need to brag about it, post a comment here!

You want to be very discreet about it.  I’ve been at my new company for several months, and I have only chair-sniffed twice.

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