Let me start with Amy, the Asian milf.  I had dinner with her a few months ago.  It wasn’t a date — back then, I wasn’t really on my game, so I didn’t flirt – but it was fun and I got to hear about what was going on at the office.  Amy looked great.  And, without the pressures of the office, she opened up about all kinds of stuff.  She talked about how she used to make out with a guy at the office years ago.  She told me how one of our old (female) bosses is now divorced and probably lesbian.  All good stuff.

Oh, I found out that she is, in fact, divorced.  And I found out why she loved to dance.  She is a ballroom dancer, which explains why she is so thin.  I never did get to dance with her, but who knows, it might happen now.

I’ll mention Ashna as well.  Ashna wound up leaving the company a few months before I did.  She was burnt out.  And she wanted to spend more time with her daughter.  I couldn’t blame her.  She is incredibly intelligent, and as a result, everyone counted on her to do most of the work.

Finally, I’ll mention Michelle.  Michelle had a baby.  (Nope, she didn’t get married.)  She came back to work a few weeks before I left.  I talked with her a little bit, but it was nothing much more than an exchange of pleasantries.  I didn’t bother flirting with her.  She’s a young mom and had enough to deal with.

I’ll share more catch-up stories later.  Next time, I’ll describe Penny, a hottie at the new company.

Amateur!  I’ve sniffed plenty of chairs, and I have never gotten caught.  Here’s a few tips on how to do it the right way:

1. First, never, ever do it with anyone else around.  I mean anyone!  Even if they are sniffing chairs with you.
2. Don’t sniff a chair out in the open.  An office is ideal, but beware — many offices have glass partitions, and if you’re going to be on your knees sniffing, you might be visible.  If you’re sniffing a chair in a conference room, close the door first.
3. Take a pen or pencil with you and drop it on the floor.  If somebody comes, you’ll have at most a few seconds, which is just enough time to pull your face away from chair.  You’ll need an excuse as to why you are on the floor.
4. If you can get away with it, you can switch chairs first and sniff away in the privacy of your own office, or possibly a conference room.  But people are very possessive of their chairs, so be careful.
5. Many companies will post an attractive receptionist in their front entrance, so you may be tempted.  Don’t.  The chair is usually out in the open, and the chances are good that there is a security camera trained on that spot.
6. Finally, never, ever tell anyone about it!  If you feel the need to brag about it, post a comment here!

You want to be very discreet about it.  I’ve been at my new company for several months, and I have only chair-sniffed twice.

The good news?  I’m back.  And in a completely new job, with a completely new set of beautiful women to hit on.   So give me a few days, and I’ll post the completely new cast of characters, along with my stories.

Sorry for the hiatus!

And then I started to ponder for a bit:  Is there a connection between a woman’s beauty and the gender of her children?  I thought about my list of hotties and their children.  Only three actually have children:  Ashna has two daughters, ages 11 and 8.  Hasna has two daughters, one 5 years old, and of course her 4 month old.  Amy, the lone exception, has one son who is 19.  Praveena, Maryanne, Ellen, and Michelle all have no children.

So then I thought of a few other women I know in the company:

• One woman, who works for Maryanne, has twin boys, age 5.  She’s a nice person, but she is extremely plain looking.  She very much has the “soccer mom” look — and not the hot kind.  She even wears the high-rise pants that cover her navel.
• Linda, Hasna’s boss, has a daughter age 5 and a son age 2.  She’s not bad either, but she too is very plain-looking.  She also has no real personality.
• Another woman manager in our group has two grown boys, ages 24 and 20.  She is certainly sociable and friendly, and I’m convinced that with a few drinks in her, I could score.  But she also has the very plain soccer-mom look going for her.
• Another woman that I used to work with has a daughter age 14 and a son age 9.  Now she’s cute.  Not quite enough sexual energy to make the hottie list, but definitely cute.

I didn’t make any charts, but it seems that the hotties have daughters, and the non-hotties have sons.  Why is that?  Does a household full of boys cause a woman to “let herself go”?  Perhaps these moms, in an effort to connect with their sons, intentionally (or subconsciously) lose interest in fashion, and instead become interested in things like sports, cars, and action figures.  Or maybe it is that as parents, they are subconsciously demonstrating to their children what qualities are needed to eventually attract a mate.  Do mothers of sons act more “manly,” in the hopes that their sons will pick up these behaviors?  Is that why moms of daugthers keep up with fashion, makeup, and (sadly) dieting?  Are they subliminally transmitting the necessary qualities that their daughters should learn?

A few Google searches turned up a study that suggested the reverse might be true:  plain-looking people have sons, and hotties have daughters.  Here’s a study by Dr. Satoshi Kanazawa that suggests beautiful people are 36% more likely to have daughters.  To be honest, I think the article got the cause-and-effect backwards.  After all, we all learned in school that it is the father’s DNA that determines the sex of the child.  Yes, one might argue that the female ovum “admits” the type of sperm, but I don’t think so.  I’m more convinced that it has more to do with raising sons than bearing them.

Nevertheless, it looks like there is some connection.  Think about it:  Barbara Bush had sons.  Laura Bush had daughters.  Who would you rather see naked?

Answer:  If you are trying to glimpse her bra, on her left.

Why?  It has to do with the way women’s blouses are buttoned.  Men’s shirts have the buttons on the right side; women’s blouses have them on the left.  This means that the right side (the one with the button holes) is placed over the one on the left side, and therefore, you have a good chance of spotting bra when you are positioned on the left.

The beauty of this technique is, it works for a large variety of body sizes and blouse types.  With a loose-fitting blouse (which is more common), the front tends to bunch up a bit, particularly when the woman is sitting down and leaning forward.  You wind up getting a good view of the tops of her breasts.  When the blouse is tight, you will generally get a good peek at the lower breast area.

I was watching a rerun of The Office the other day, and it was the episode where Michael gets back from Jamaica.  In the very beginning of the episode, I immediately noticed that Karen’s blouse was kinda loose, and immediately began to look.  Sure enough, thirty seconds later, I caught a shot of her bra:

Although technically we are looking from the right side, you can see how the blouse bunches up, and with a little practice, you can effectively spot a bra.  So, give it a try, and let me know how you do!

The second technique is the “down blouse” technique.  Now I know that I don’t even have to describe this to you; a simple image search for “down blouse” will show you exactly what is meant.  This is the most common technique for observing a woman’s bra, but it is also the riskiest.  If she happens to look up right when you are looking down her blouse, you are in trouble.  In fact, even if you don’t actually look down the blouse, you might be an unwitting victim of circumstance if you are simply standing in the wrong spot, facing the wrong direction.

Nevertheless, it can be done.  Here are a few tips (pun not intended):

1. Never stand above a woman, trying to look down the blouse.  This is just way too obvious.  Rather, wait until she is bending forward, perhaps to pick something up or to fix something.  Chances are, she will be so engrossed in what she is doing that she may not realize that you are looking.  I had a great view of a secretary who was cutting a cake at an office birthday party.
2. If you see a woman place her hand on her chest, to hold up her blouse, then abandon the effort.  She is aware of her predicament and will be looking out for guys to accuse.
3. People think that a button-down blouse is a necessity for this technique, but in actuality, you do much better if the woman is wearing a scoop top.  In fact, I’ve found that a scoop top even works better than a tank top.  (If she is wearing a button-down blouse, you might have better luck if you try the technique outlined in Part 3, which is soon to come.)
4. Don’t stare for more than half a second.  Quick, furtive glances are the key.

With practice, you will develop the instinct to quickly look when you see a woman bend over.  I’ve even spied the bras of women on TV.  For example, I was watching an episode of Home Improvement, when Jill (played by Patricia Richardson) walked in with grocery bags.  She placed the grocery bags down, and boom, there was her bra, right on camera.  You think editing would have caught that.  It just goes to show — it can happen anywhere.

Before I begin, I thought I’d mention that it’s extremely hot if you are able to glimpse a woman’s bra and her panties.  This completes the mental picture; you now can imagine her in her underwear.  It’s even hotter when the bra and panties match.  I’ll have more to say on this later.  But for now, let’s talk about bra spotting.

The first technique is simply glimpsing the bra right through a sheer blouse.  I’m not talking about seeing the outline against a tight-fitting sweater; I’m talking about actually seeing the bra.  Admittedly, this is rare, but it can happen, as it did to me the other day.  We were having a go-away party for our administrative assistant, who is leaving our group and going to work in another department.  She’s an extremely cute blonde, in her late thirties, and recently divorced as well.  I couldn’t believe the blouse she was wearing.  It was white, and although you couldn’t see much through the front, the back was so sheer that you clearly saw the entire bra.  Heck, if the bra had been a color other than white, I would have been able to tell you the exact shade.

This situation is ideal, in the sense that you can stare without being caught, at least by her.  (Watch out for bystanders!)  The next two techniques are more risky, since you can easily get caught if you aren’t careful.

As for the lady, she still works in my building.  I’ll have to stop by every once in a while to see when she wears the blouse.  (Oh, and I never got to spot her panties that day.  Oh well!)

What’s the deal with that?

I’m fairly certain that it wasn’t a flirt.  The wink happened exactly while she said, “Hi.”  It wasn’t like she did it afteward, and there wasn’t any sort of coy-ness.  To be honest, it seemed kind of… well, maternal, I guess.  It’s not like she’s that old, either.

During the meeting, I tried to make eye contact with her, but alas, she never looked my way.  Was she possibly keeping it cool, or was it really just a wink and nothing more?  We shall see.

Has anyone else encountered a winker?

First, there’s Praveena.  She’s finally back, and I paid her a special visit to ask how her New Year’s Eve was.  She said that she spent it with cousins.  Remember how I wrote that she may not have known I was married, even though I always wear my ring?  Well, I specifically told her that I spent my New Year’s home with my family, and she seemed to get the hint.  I didn’t come right out and ask if she was married — I felt this would “tip my hand,” so to speak.  But I’ll gauge her reaction over the next few days.  If she is, in fact, single, then I will have to change my strategy somewhat.  I still want to let her know I’m interested, but you have to be careful with single women.

I did get a chance to chat with Amy.  She is getting ready to sell her house.  This is great because it gives me a conversation starter.  No mention of the dancing comment, however.  Bonus: I got a peek at her bellybutton!  It’s an innie.

An amusing thing happened with Ashna.  You have to understand that Ashna’s name is not actually “Ashna”; I change all names to protect the innocent.  But her name is close to Ashna, and this almost tripped me up.  While I was walking into the building yesterday, I was deep in thought, thinking about my plans to track Ashna’s monthly cycle, when suddenly I see her standing in the lobby.  I had to stop myself from actually calling her Ashna!  That would have been weird.  But she did notice the studder, and later on, she commented on how she said hi to me but I was deep in thought.  Heh, if she only knew.

On a more serious note, I learned that Maryanne’s husband was in a car accident.  He’s okay for now but needs to undergo physical therapy.  This basically means that I have to stop flirting with Maryanne, at least for the time being.  I’ll switch it into “emotional support” mode.  I’ll have more to say about this kind of situation in future posts.

Earlier this year, I had started to do this with Hasna.  Of course, when I learned that she was pregnant, I had to abandon my little project.  But I think I will attempt it with Hasna’s boss Linda, who is filling in for Hasna.  And I might just try it with Ashna, who I noticed can be a bit moody at times.

There’s not much I can offer as far as advice, except to say that most women feel the most irritable before they actually get their period (this is why it’s called pre-menstrual syndrome).  And the only other clue is to see if they take their purse with them to the ladies’ room.  Most modern-day ladies’ rooms at the office have tampon dispensers, but some women still prefer pads, so very often you will see women take their purses with them.  Also note that women’s cycles can vary in length, especially if they are not taking birth control.

When I return to work, I’ll start keeping a log of how irritable Ashna and Linda seem to be.  And I’ll note if I happen to see them enter the ladies room with purse in tow.  I’ll post the results here.