Question for the guys: Have you ever masturbated at work?
I’ll bet that the answer for most guys is yes, at least once. There are those times where you get that horny, and you just gotta go rub one out. Maybe you were walking behind an office hottie, and the sight of her perfect ass caused a stir. Maybe a cutie bent over, and you got a delicious view of her breasts. Or maybe you were just daydreaming in that meeting. Whatever the reason, when you’re horny, you’re horny.
Of course, this takes place in the men’s room, and it has to be done quietly. Sure, men will take a newspaper (or some printouts of ESPN) into the men’s room, but trust me, it does not take 20 minutes to read all the stories.
But I don’t bother with such pretenses. I just go in, no bones about it. But I also make sure that I leave the area clean. Here’s what I do:
- I walk into the stall and close the door.
- I withdraw about 25 inches of toilet paper, and fold it three times. The result is a 3-ply strip about 8 inches long.
- I drape the paper from the front of the bowl into the water.
- I quietly take matters into my own hands.
- Since the toilet paper is draped nicely in the line of fire, nothing gets left.
- One flush and the evidence is gone.
It happens. Once, a few of us were talking about how somebody had left a long strip of toilet paper that covered up the gaps in between the door and the rest of the stall. We couldn’t figure out why — nobody really goes in and peeps through the crack. One guy said, “Well, maybe they’re jerking off, but nobody would really want to watch that.”
How often is another question. When I was younger, masturbation was a three-times daily ritual — sometimes more! (Ah, to be 19 again.) Now, I’m happy to manage once a day. And these days, it’s not really at work any more. I need to save my mojo for the ladies.
Tags: masturbation work